Session 102: Chadical History Lession

[icastsword]

Chad is in an idiot coma. His severe and crippling self-doubt is kind of killing him.

Id!Chad is very Conan the Barbarian. Instead of skull pauldrons, he's wearing medicine balls. Instead of bracers he's wearing John Cena armbands. Id!Chad's hair is shaggy and unkempt. He is perpetually oiled up. He is beautiful and glistening. There is no shirt on this Id.

He steps down from his throne of barbells. Griffin immediately steps up. "Bro are you ready for leg day? :D"

Id Chad informs Griffin there is no such thing as leg day. All the gym bros start power lifting at this declaration. Every one of these dudes is pretty top heavy.

Inky wants to know if we die in Chad's brain do we die in real life? Jericho rolls an 8 Insight and remembers that he's not dreaming. We are physically here. We are Miss Frizzling this. Crimeny transforms into a school bus. It's a Crimeny-sized school bus so we can't ride in it, but that's probably for the best.

Griffin insists that Chad can't skip out on leg day - he's gonna get top heavy!

In Id!Chad's bromain, lifting is all that matters.

We need to convince Id!Chad to come with us to meet the other Chad brain fragments to team up or whatever.

Shane tells Id!Chad he should come with us, and we can show him something really big to lift. Id!Chad looks at Shane, and he actually looks angry?? D: He goes back to his barbell throne.

Serra suggests Griffin challenge Id!Chad to an arm wrestling competition, which Griffin does immediately, because goddamn that's a good idea!

Id!Chad is intrigued by Griffin's proposal, but he has a few conditions: We are not going to arm wrestle - we are going to LIFT! Also, he's not going to lift against Griffin, he's going to lift against SHANE. It's gonna be an epic showdown brodown.

Bro-down! Bro-down! bro-down!

Serra casts Guidance on Shane.

Id!Chad comes down off his throne and the gym rats start bringing out progressively larger barbells and lining them up. It starts at one end with normal-sized and increases progressively to impossible.

Everyone on the crew gets to roll a dice and add a mod of their choice to help Shane.

Serra rolls a 30 Medicine. Jericho rolls a 26 Performance to hype the rats up for Shane, and he also gives Shane Inspiration. Griffin rolls an Unnatural 20 Athletics to coach Shane.

Can Crimeny Sneak back to Cyrollalee's kitchen? Ant will allow them to do that. Crimeny asks Griffin what Chad's favorite protein shake is. It's strawberry. Crimeny will be right back.

Inky asks if Crimeny is going to poison Id!Chad with the Potion of the Shitting Death. Scott is a little disappointed at being called out so quickly.

Griffin rolls a 22 Insight on Crimeny.

GRIFFIN: Hey, Crimeny? What are you planning?
CRIMENY: ...An advantage.

Griffin looks down and sees the Potion of the Shitting Death in Crimeny's hand. Griffin asks them please don't lead with that out the gate. Save that for Worst Case Scenario, please. ;w;

He suggests Crimeny give Shane the Protein shake (without the shitting potion) to give to Chad as a peace offering.

Scott rolls a d20 to decide whether Crimeny listens to Griffin. 10 or lower, and Chad will get the shitting death, and higher than that Crimeny will do this Griffin's way. Crimeny rolls a 19 and listens to Griffin. For Now. Crimeny gives the shake to Shane to give to Chad.

Id!Chad is suspicious of the protein shake. "Why?" "Why not?" Can not two bros partake of protein shakes together? Some bro-tein shakes? Shane rolls a 28 Persuasion.

Id!Chad wants to know if Shane is on the level, because Shane has lied to him before. Shane is genuinely confused by this question, because yes, he lied about big things, but this is just a protein shake??? Id!Chad downs the protein shake and crushes it against his forehead.

SHANE: OH NO THAT WAS GLASS??

It just shatters against Id!Chad's head. Chad is bleeding from his forehead but he doesn't look like he notices or cares.

Based on Jericho's performance, the gym bros are split pretty evenly cheering between Chad and Shane.

BTW what are Nellie's portents today? 8 and 7. Nice.

Id!Chad goes up to the first baby dumbbell and lifts it with no problem. Now it's Shane's turn. He rolls an 18 Athletics to lift the baby dumbbell. He lifts 50 lbs and his elbows don't explode. It's just like lifting Big Chungus.

Id!Chad: Not bad Shane, you're stronger than I thought!

Barbarian Id!Chad goes to lift the next one, which he has no problem with. Shane's Athletics roll for this one is a 16, and he manages to lift the dumbbell! This one's about 80lbs but he's still got this. Chad's managed to teach Shane some technique, so he can manage this.

Now for the third dumbbell. Id!Chad steps forward, flanked by some gym rat cronies. These cronies start lifting also - smaller weights. They're doing arm curls with these small dumbbells, and it's almost like they're physically pumping Chad up. They're channeling their weight-lifting energy into Id!Chad.

There are a lot of little dumbbells next to Shane, too. Griffin pics up one in each hand. He's gonna buff Shane! :D Jericho will help also. So will Serra. We roll Athletics to pump Shane up.

Shane has Advantage for this Athletics roll.

He rolls a 5 and a 4. ;w;

Shane lifts a little and he ends up falling backward. All the gym rats start laughing. Id!Chad yells at the rats for laughing. "That's against the rules, guys!" Id!Chad approaches Shane and yanks the bell off Shane's chest with one hand and picks Shane up with the other. He tells Shane they're gonna do a rematch because the gym rats broke the rules.

Id!Chad lifts his dumbbell again with another Nat 20. Shane is allowed to lift with Advantage again. He gets a 15 with Advantage and manages to get the dumbbell above his head for a brief second. All the gym rats cheer. Id!Chad stoically nods.

Before they get to the comically large dumbbell, Id!Chad tells Shane he can back down - he doesn't have to keep going. Why is he doing this? He could have said no.

Shane tells him, well, no, Chad asked him to do something so he's going to do it! Chad looks troubled. Shane has seen this face before. It's Chad's, "I want you to trust me," face. Chad just wants to be included.

While this is happening, Griffin sidles over to Crimeny to ask if Crimeny maybe recorded Shane last session saying that Chad is perfect and a flawless human being. Crimeny used to record a lot more, but lately they haven't been recording their friends as much. BUT, they roll a 23 Insight on past Crimeny's actions - Yes, they did record this!

Crimeny finds the sound system and jacks in. Urge to Rickroll rising. They play the clip of Shane explaining that Chad is perfect - he's a flawless human being. They also include one of those heartfelt RPG soundtracks underneath the clip.

When the recording of Shane's heartfelt opinion plays over the loudspeaker, Id!Chad is shocked. "Bro...!" Shane is mortified, but he doesn't deny it.

CHAD: I know what you do is super important, but I want to help you! I know you're trying to protect me, but - HE FLEXES - I can take care of myself. I just want to stand shoulder to shoulder with my bro.
SHANE: That's impossible because you're so tall!

SHANE: I don't want anything to happen to you, I've seen so much horrible shit already. I don't know what I'd do.
CHAD: I don't want anything to happen to you! I don't know what I'd do with myself!

Chad tells Shane he wants Shane to trust him a little more. Shane trusts CHAD, it's just everything else he doesn't trust, including himself!

CHAD: Believe in me who believes in you!

It's himbo logic!

Shane has to turn to the group to see if that made sense. Griffin nods his head yes and gives a thumbs up - it made sense!

Id!Chad apologizes for being angry at Shane and he didn't know how to deal with that.

They've got some things to work on together.

Id!Chad holds out a fist to fist-bump. Shane goes to fist-bump, and Chad grabs Shane's wrist and pulls him in for a hug. All the gym rats "Awwww!" Shane is hugely embarrassed but he's also not going to complain about being hugged by this massive Chad.

The two impossible barbells have merged into one impossible barbell. Chad and Shane are going to lift this together. Shane rolls a Nat 20! Since Chad is so much taller than Shane, he winds up lifting the whole thing and Shane dangles off one side. Chad smiles brightly at Shane - this is the happiest Shane has ever seen him look.

Shane rolls an 18 Insight on himself and realizes he's experiencing a single doki.

Id!Chad drops the dumbbell and it dissolves into sparkles

Id!Chad also dissolves into sparkles, and the sparkles enter Shane. Shane experiences a profound warmth. He has to pee.

We leave through the door we entered and find ourselves in a suburb.

Jericho recognizes this as a suburb outside the New Orleans city limits. We're not far out of the city but this is a more quiet suburb.

A young boy runs by us. "Sorry, excuse me!"

RYO: Alright, bye plothook!

We roll Perception on the plothook. Griffin rolls a Nat 1. He's too enthralled by the touching scene he just witnessed; His bros are bros, and maybe...a little more?? He's shipping them hard. He may not even realize that they've left the gym. Crimeny rolled a 12 and Nellie rolled a 16. This time period seems a little different? Maybe we're like 10 years in the past? Serra rolls a 10 and notices that people around here have shitty phones.

Shane and Jericho notice that the plothook kid has the same shaggy-blonde hair as Chad, but this kiddo is like a Proto-Chad. He hasn't grown into his limbs yet. Once he starts beefing up, everything will start making sense, but right now he's just a big awkward kid. He's a dumb puppy where his paws are too big.

Proto-chad has his backpack on - he must be coming home from school. He stops a couple houses down and goes inside. The house he enters is pretty small. We all follow Proto-Chad. Shane recognizes this house - this is where Chad's mom lives.

Proto-Chad notices the six of us standing there like suspicious assholes. He says hello. Griffin says hello back!

Shane rolls Insight - 16. He got Id!Chad to come with us after figuring out why he was angry, and apologizing. We need to figure out what this 16-yo Proto-Chad needs.

We have an absolutely batshit bonkers IC/OOC huddle trying to figure out how to handle this young man. We decide to ask about his mom. He wants to know if we're friends of his mom! Shane says yes. We wade through about 10 minutes more of Ryo's bullshit. Teenage Chad is a sweet boy and ushers us into his house. He'll go get his mom, hold on! He leaves us in the foyer and yells at his ma. "Ma, you got friends over, I'mma go make dinner!" He heads into the kitchen.

A wheelchair-bound woman emerges. She is stocky and kind of muscular - she is not Grandma Flexington, but she's in that kind of wheelhouse. We roll Perception on this wheelchair-bound woman. Griffin rolls a 5.

We see a lot of pictures on the wall of what appears to be Chad's mom - she was a championship powerlifter before she fell ill. There are a number of photos of her with a brown-haired, scraggly-looking guy.

She points out that she's never seen us before but she is still welcoming! Are we friends of Chad? She tells us to have a seat. She apologizes about the mess - Chad yells that he'll clean it up after dinner! She wants to know how we know Chad. "We just met him outside, walking up the street!"

We are not actually in Chad's mother's house, this is all part of his psyche. What we need to find out in order to get this portion of Chad's psyche to come with us, we need to find out what problem he seems to be having and help him solve it. This is Chad's Superego. His psyche's version of his mother just told us he's a little too doting.

Nellie finally tells Chad's mom that we're a paranormal investigations club.

Chad comes back out to ask if we're going to stay for dinner. Griffin offers to help in the kitchen. Crimeny will also help. Griffin and Crimeny follow Chad back to the kitchen.

We are not bound by the rules of etiquette in this situation, which is really what seems to be hanging everyone up. Nellie decides to go into Chad's bedroom to check out his comic collection.

Shane asks Mom to elaborate on Chad's "doting" - he stopped going out for after school sports, he's always coming home to make dinner, he's (16) looking for a job.

CHAD'S MOM'S NAME IS MARGE. THANK YOU ANT.

Things Shane knows about Chad's fam: Marge went by Large Marge when she was doing the power lifting circuit. Danny is four years younger than Chad and is currently in college. Marge earned a lot of money when she was on the power lifting circuit. Marge's husband left after she started getting sick because he didn't want to take care of her.

We zoom in on Nellie, investigating Chad's bedroom for comics. She rolls a 12 to Investigate. She notices Chad has a number of wrestling trophies. He used to wrestle and he was clearly very good at it. He was winning pretty consistently over the course of a few years, but there aren't any trophies past a certain year. There are a lot of photos of his mom when she wasn't sick. There's a picture of Chad, his mom, his little bro Danny, and a very scraggly looking mustached man.

Is this a trustworthy mustache? Roll Insight: 12. You know how some people have a face that screams weasley? This is not a trustache. This is used-car-salesman 'stache. His hair is slicked back into a ponytail. He looks like a grody, Grade-A douche. This is the only picture Chad has of his father. Where does he keep it? It's on his dresser, towards the back.

Also, it looks like Chad's grades are slipping a bit. :( Marge has been wheelchair-bound pretty recently. Prior to this it looked like Chad was straight-As, honor roll, wrestling team.

Nellie uses Message to tell her discovery first to Jericho, then to Griffin, then to Shane.

Griffin asks Chad if he does any sports? Not anymore...He wants to make sure Danny has food to eat, he's got to help his mom.

But is that what his mom wants? Griffin reminds Chad that being there for your loved ones is super important, but also, it's super important to listen to them, even if you're worried. If she tells you she'll be fine while you go to your wrestling match, do her the courtesy of believing her! 21 to Persuade!

Ever since Chad's dad left, he's been having a hard time trusting people. He just wants to be able to protect the people he loves.

Sometimes you have to believe people when they tell you they're fine, even if you disagree.

Chad wants to be able to protect the people he cares about. Griffin absolutely gets that, but counters that sometimes it's easier to protect those people when you let them help. 23 Persuasion! We're gonna resolve that in a minute.

Crimeny is chopping static potatoes in the background. They have no idea how to cook, but this is fine.

Meanwhile Marge is bragging to hell and back about her boys. She brags about Chad's wrestling and about Danny's science prizes. She's so proud of these boys!!

Shane knows what Marge has: MS. She's not letting it get her down. She's having a harder time in the real world since she's had it longer, but she's still in good spirits regardless.

Chad is angry because he thinks he needs to take care of her because of what Richard did.

Ah. Dick. Ant named him Dick, as is only right and proper.

Marge loves Chad to death but he hyperfixates - when he sees someone needs help, he won't stop until he thinks it's enough, but she's not sure he ever knows when it's enough.

Shane joins the lads and Crimeny in the kitchen. It looks like dinner is forming.

Resolving the 23 Persuasion Roll: How do I know when it's safe to let people do what they have to do? Sometimes you can't know, sometimes you have to guess. And sometimes you have to trust them to tell you when they need help. You gotta have balance. You gotta do leg day AND arm day. You can't just focus on your arms, otherwise you get top-heavy and overbalanced.

CRIMENY: Everyone must have their own leg day, otherwise they can't lift their burdens by themselves.

Chadwick looks like he has a Eureka moment and goes back to finishing up the proto-food. He asks everyone to set the table. Griffin does that.

We all sit down to dinner.

Chad tells his mom he thinks he's going to start going back to wrestling practice. Marge beams. "That's great!"

He wants to be in good shape for next year. "I think I'm gonna start on my leg day." Griffin grins and gives him a thumbs up.

Proto-chad explodes into sparkles, and the sparkles go into Griffin!

As the scene fades, Marge smiles at Griffin and mouths, "Thank you."

We float into a void space. We're floating idly - we don't know where we have to go. Then we hear what sounds like fighting - we hear stone and metal crashing, and we find ourselves on a platform, floating in the void.

At the other end of the platform is normal!Chad. He is running and dodging gigantic armored fists. NO ITEMS CHAD, ONLY FINAL DESTINATION. It's the robot from his dreams!

Chad manages to dodge one large armored fist and he looks at the crew. "Guys, what's going on? What're you doing here?" While he's distracted by us, he's backhanded by a large iron hand and he rolls real far and sprawls at our feet.

A towering shield golem emerges from beyond the edge of the platform. Around the golem's neck is an amulet depicting the emblem of Cyrollalee. It sees the crew with Chad and lets out a hollow roar.

Crimeny, Shane, and Griffin help Chad to his feet. The orbs of light that came along with Shane and Griffin pull away from them and absorb into Chad.

"Woah! Bro I feel kind of like tingly! What's going oooooohhh noooo!." Then he explodes into light and he dies. When the light fades we see our good friend Chad in his cargos and his tank top. He is weidling a refrigerator door and a greathammer shaped like a barbell.

"Woah. Guys! I think we can fight this thing now!"

Next session we will fight the Paladin Shield Golem for Chad's Paladin Powers.